Aug 052018

DatingDoc Podcast | Is Modern Feminism Helping or Destroying Dating?

DatingDoc Podcast | Is Modern Feminism Helping or Destroying Dating?

it's August 3rd 2018 and I am Chris the dating doc in tonight's podcast is gonna be on feminism and dating before and they make sure you subscribe and hit YES on receiving notifications from the dating doc that way you don't miss out on the new videos we have coming along whether it's podcast whether it's giveaways dating tips more and more so this is you know this is a topic that it's gonna it's gonna probably get some controversy going first off it's a topic that is very sensitive especially nowadays with the youtube movement you know the the quota of Bill Cosby possibly him going back to trial at the time of this podcast and well he's been at a trial numerous times and especially with with dating you know which is something that leads to a relationship and I'm gonna allude to one of the the final comments or messages which is that in the end you know any any of these movements you know whether it's a black lives matter whether it's the feminist movement has tagged me to any type of immigration policy I think the reason that we go to war the no the way that we get aggressive towards these issues it's to lead to understanding and cohesion much like dating which leads to a relationship even if you don't want a relationship at the end we are wanting to get to a little bit of cohesion and understanding so as I make these points and statements I don't want the assumption that you know I'm for one side or the other I am Pro open-minded and I really mean that it'd be hypocritical if I'm being judged on a movement which is should support inclusion for both genders so without further ado let's get into it so mmm I'm gonna take I'm gonna take a couple minutes real quick to explain feminism for those that don't know haven't really researched it and specifically the third and fourth wave of feminism so the the third wave which again these are like phases and the third wave is wine that just was completed 2012 from 2012 on we went into the fourth wave and the the third wave was was more defined by this was more the issues of of pay of sexual harassment and assault this also went into the anti-porn movement which they they looked at porn feminism looked at porn as advocating violence towards women and this was something that was also spoken during the second wave so stay with me folks okay stay with me I need you to understand this before we go into how this is relevant to dating and you know once once we came in too close to the fourth wave third of April 2011 the the first slut walk again slut walk was was happened in Toronto and this was in response to a police officer by the name of Michael Sanguinetti who this statement was basically that woman should avoid dressing like sluts and as you can see this is obviously a double standard you know saying that woman shouldn't dress like sluts is like me a former jiu-jitsu practitioner telling guys that hey look you need to stop dressing and your bright affliction and ed hardy shirts as much as I don't agree with it they have the right to wear that as much as they want the fourth wave the fourth wave which is what we're currently in the fourth wave of feminism is defined by technology so there's a lot of the the same themes and issues at hand from the third wave but again now this is being defined by social media and and technology now this is obviously the the start of the hashtag me to movement and also December 2017 the silence breakers were named persons of the year for Time magazine but one of the challenges as we as we get into the fourth wave is that since it is defined by tech by technology that there's gonna be a little bit of inherent classism and ableism and what I mean by that is that if you're defining it by technology is there a fourth wave if all of a sudden we wake up tomorrow and there is no more Twitter Instagram Facebook etc etc or even internet for that reason some of these topics and issues at hand include the gang rapes that had been happening in India and for some of those that are afflicted by the the very overly aggressive sexual culture of India which is ironic because it's it's it's culturally it's sexually repressive yet again there's a lot of cases of murders and rapes gang rapes that are happening sexual assaults on public buses in India and but those that need the message of feminism through technology are probably not able to get that in some parts of India and that's unfortunate but that's obviously through socioeconomic factors at hand so that is a fourth wave that's where we're in right now and that's where hopefully those that do classify themselves as feminists they you know they have read up on what is feminism I've actually encountered some folks that whenever issue they're part of they haven't done their due diligence they just simply label themselves such as and this is not feminism so now that was a quick and dirty you know that that might be just again more the the history lane of it now some of the criticisms about feminism and then obviously some of the pros before I get into the dating part so one of the criticisms about feminism is that there's a mean-girl like atmosphere now this isn't mean girl towards men but that woman themselves are more likely to tear into each other has a post a woman talking you know talking about the situation or the issue at hand with men they're not opposed to taking a whack at each other's personal tastes or views so that's you know that that's a little bit alarming another part of that is that there is not a there's not a lot of centralized issues which is a strength and also weakness of feminism there's the intersectional feminism which again if let's say you're black woman and you're part of your feminists then you have the misogynistic harassment as well as racism that you have to encounter versus someone for example is I spoke about in India there's a lot of the classes of my head not only to gender but also culturally as well as the gender discrimination so but with that it does in a way dilute to boom the movement because then how do you define a movement when it's going male in you know a million directions it's hard to centralize it it's almost like if you're trying to get a football team of feminism but every player every big player is going in different directions then in a way it's hard to get that touchdown or go whichever support you're into so that that again is our part of the quick criticisms about it and now I go into the dating piece because this is where it gets it gets a little tricky because there is that challenge of wondering okay what is feminism you know it it can be different from one woman to another or from one man to another and to understand if someone is in support of feminism can be defined in many ways many many ways so I was I was reading through some of these articles and I found something really disturbing which was a it was an article on The Gazette com and it was a OkCupid member who was messaging men and first question off the bat was you know are you a feminist do you you know yes or no and I see where this can there could be advantage with this you want to obviously know what's some what's something that's important someone and how you can pinpoint that and obviously move on you know especially that's a deal-breaker some you know some folks have different deal-breakers whether it's physical intellectual culturally things that they're looking for education level and in this case it's feminism now one of the one of the things that that really was alarming was when I read I felt like going easy on the first one that's a verbatim quote from again this woman who were was approaching men on OkCupid now I read that in two ways now there is a stereotype that women are gonna be very rabid on topic of feminism and some may but again that that doesn't exclude from the ones that aren't the ones that do you want to make a point on what your view is towards feminism however that varies again one of the statistics that I found interesting from actually USA Today is that forty seven percent they define feminism as equal pay for men and women forty three percent they believe that meant a lot of different things and six percent aren't sure what exactly feminism means so it there's almost a split between you know the equal pay and then the fact that it means a lot of things so when when I read I felt like going easy on the first one again it's almost a split of wondering what's gonna be that litmus test you know if let's say someone asked are you a feminist well as a as a father to a daughter and having two sisters there's I'm surrounded by females it actually tears me up it really does it makes me tear up when when my daughter says hey I want to do this and it turns me up because I understand deep inside me that she can and I also understand how troubling the environment is for example me being military I I'll be very honest and I'll say that there's a there's some systemic issues that we have to get through nationwide and specifically with the military when it comes to sexual assault and sexual prevention sexual harassment prevention and especially the education part and men and woman both being responsible for that to no longer happen it would be very difficult for my daughter to to be part of the military right now and and that's why I tear up I tear up because it's a it's it's conflicting it it part of me wants her to do it and part of me is being the protective father so in some ways again that that's where the feminism piece goes in and also that's where the protective part of me comes in so I don't see I particularly don't see anything wrong with that just like at the beginning when I talked about inclusion I don't see anything wrong with the fact that I want to be a protective father but that I do believe that she can do that she can be in the military she wants to but I also understand that stats don't lie right now there is an issue that's why we have this sharp program in the army which is the sexual harassment and rape prevention program so right now yeah it's something that I that's how I feel so again when someone says I felt like going easy on the first one does that person universally define feminism are they advocating for every feminist out there probably not just like not everyone can can advocate for the rights of Latinos maybe in Puerto Rican I may not have the same issues that someone from Guatemala may have there's some commonalities there but it's not going to be a hundred percent what I'm going through but going easy on the first one to me that's like me saying hey what do you mean you don't know Spanish as my as my initial message on OKCupid or whatever other website that's the way that I look at it if that's my first message so let's go into the dating piece let's let's Capulet segway right I'm literally imagine the segway right the little little motorized scooter let's segway into it so understand this for both men and women is that you have to keep an open mind on both sides and what I mean by this is that if a man is not aware of what these issues are it does not exclude that man from learning about him and embracing them so if let's say a man says you know what I do believe in the Equality of men and woman and he is quickly shut down because again you may have brought up a quote or some news article that he's just not aware of that doesn't make him more or less of a feminist he may actually have the potential to be even more of a feminist and even you are and I say that you know frame to to a woman also the opposite if if a man is the type that is normally used to paying for you and you know that's wrong you know that you know feminism there should be equal playing field so some feminists female feminists are gonna believe that it should there's you should go dutch you should both pay some are gonna believe you know what I'm gonna pay but you have to understand that there's a there is not I wouldn't it be dangerous for me to say expectation but it's almost like what men have been used to is the paying piece and that just has to be communicated on both sides and if the manner is respectful enough to say you know what I appreciate that sure we can pay yeah no problem or you know what the fact that he again that's where the the verbage makes the difference instead of saying you can pay just say you know what I appreciate that you don't have to give woman permission to pay so or if you're gonna go half and half just communicate that because I'm sure there's some feminists that still believe in the traditional sense when it comes to dating you know where you say you know what I am a strong opinionated person I do believe in equal pay for men and woman I am aware of the different waves you know I'm talking from your eleanor roosevelt's all the way now to the the the me to movement and those that are involved with it they can be read on to what's happening in feminist movement but when it comes to dating they may enjoy the traditional grows they may enjoy a man holding the door for them they may not but both sides are not psychic and it would be an injustice to assume that a man or woman is supposed to know how exactly to date someone that is a feminist that's that's an injustice that's what any movement but specifically for feminism it's a it's like saying hey you suck if you don't know Spanish that's a way that I would look at it if you're not aware so on top of that something that that's really important is that regardless if someone understands feminism or not both sides need to bring something to the table both sides need to bring something to the table it's not just a the the not so read on feminist or the one who's not a feminist is the one that has to prove themselves both sides still have something to bring to the table and ask me beyond just the issues still have to be a good listener still have to be able to either receive or give physical touch and that's important to the other person they still have to be able to have a positive demeanor both sides okay this doesn't mean that I'm excluding one or the other but these are things that are universal they're they're gonna lead to cohesion and understanding if you're not positive minded then these issues continue you're just gonna bicker just like the issues will bicker dating will just become this storm of resentment and misunderstanding and that's gonna lead to nowhere they're literally the reason that we fight these issues is to find common ground and understanding and if both sides especially if or if one side is not willing to compromise and truly understand the other side then what is the point so both sides have to bring some to the table with that again you know open ear having a mutual mature dialogue that's what's gonna lead to all this you know the cohesion and the understanding is a cure and I truly believe that so again just I would I would advocate for the the topic of feminism to to be read you know learn about the SlutWalk ok learn why it was done don't just pay attention to the fact that it's called a slut walk understand the the reasoning behind it understand statistically what's happening nowadays with the which is the statistics of sexual harassment military rout sided military if you're listening and you're your veteran or active-duty learn about that learn about the fact that some men have forgotten how to be men but at the same time some men know how to be men and know how they have a role in this issue this holistic issue which is um which is the equality piece of it an equality for both men and women and it has to be equal I really really do believe that that means that if if women want to pay on a date that's part of the equality if women want to make the plans that's part of the Equality at the same time men you have a row to play and making sure that you can be men ok but and I mean this in the high quality sense of it woman if you still want to send an unsolicited pick by all means you can because men are doing as well but I would advocate towards again cohesion and understanding so again learn about this you know learn about the the lipstick feminists learn about some of those that made history because again if we don't where are we going to go in this dating world I can't stress enough the cohesion and understanding has to be there if you're ready to go to war on a topic you need to be able to get to some peace and that's the biggest thing with feminism you have to be able to both understand each other it is a strong topic but it's a valuable topic if both sides are willing to give it a try and I think dating wise it's just gonna make dating better so I like to hear your thoughts I would like to hear your thoughts if you believe that feminism is hurting or helping the dating game I'll also like to hear from you if you are a feminist and what I can learn what others can learn from you and I hope you appreciated this hopefully you all made it to the end these are podcast baby these aren't these two men and a d d videos this is a podcast so if you've been with me the whole time I appreciate and I applaud you this is Chris the dating doc signing out and next topic at hand now this is going to be an interesting one it is gonna be the mixed signals of U

S dating okay American dating in the little different language we all often speak by the passive aggressiveness the texting right away the unsolicited pics things that you may not see in other cultures so that's gonna be our next topic so hope you enjoy Chris the dating doc here signing out for our podcast have a great weekend and a great week

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